Proverbs begins with Solomon’s exhortation to his son (and God’s exhortation to us) to embrace wisdom. Last week we read Song of Songs, which depicts the beauty and delight of intimacy between a man and a woman within a marriage relationship. One third of this week’s section in Proverbs contains the flip side: warnings to avoid sexual intimacy outside of marriage.
The section ends with an account of Solomon observing a foolish youth being seduced by an adulteress. Everything she says is either a half-truth or outright lie meant to entice the youth into an illicit encounter.
We often encounter one or more of these same lies when faced with sexual temptation. For us, the seductress could also be an adulteress or a prostitute, but more likely will take the form of pornography, sensual entertainment, or sensual advertising. Understanding these common lies, and what Proverbs teaches to refute them, can help us resist the temptation when it arises.
To generalize the lies stated by the seductress, they are:
a. “I have something you want” or, “I am desirable”.
b. “I find you desirable.”
c. “I have some exotic experience for you.”
d. “It’s all about love.”
e. “No one will find out” or, “There are no consequences”.
Proverbs refutes these lies with the following truths:
a. Character and inner beauty are more important than peripheral or outward attractiveness. “A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” (Proverbs 11:22)
b. The seductress is not interested in you, but rather what she can get out of you. (See Prov 6:26)
c. Only fools forfeit the long term for some fleeting pleasure. “For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword.” (Proverbs 5:3-4)
d. Lust and sexual immorality are not about love, but rather about using and being used by others.
e. God knows what we do – even if no one else does – and he holds us accountable. Proverbs lists the following potential consequences of sexual sin: poverty, regret, shame, enslavement to lust, physical harm, spiritual and physical death, a waste of time and a drain on our life.
Why do these lies seem so powerful? I think it is because they address some legitimate needs and desires given by God.
a. I want to be in relationship with someone that I find attractive.
b. I want to be valued (i.e., cherished) and desired by someone.
c. I want to be in a relationship that is exciting and fulfilling.
d. I want to love and be loved.
e. I want to be free from guilt and shame, and be secure in my relationship.
God calls us to avoid sexual immorality because he knows the counterfeit will never satisfy. We can find true fulfillment of these desires in marriage and ultimately in relationship with God himself. I think the keys to this are the following attitudes (toward our spouse if married, and toward God for all of us):
a. Adoration and Appreciation. In expressing praise and thankfulness to our spouse and to God, we realize more fully their attractiveness. (see Prov 31:30-31 and Psalm 103)
b. Belonging. Spouses belong to one another; and we belong to God. (see Song of Songs 2:16 & 7:10 and John 3:16) Christ valued us so much that he died for us and bought us back.
c. Contentment and Commitment. We can enjoy the thrill of a lifelong relationship with our spouse and with God.
d. Dying to self (i.e., sacrifice). Love requires sacrifice. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” (1st John 3:16)
e. Exposure (i.e., vulnerability) with Forgiveness and Grace. By opening up to our spouse and to God, we can be accepted and loved as we are. With God’s help we can grow in healing and wholeness in our relationship.
All of this requires Humility and the Holy Spirit. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Prov 3:5-6)
Please talk with me if you want to discuss this. We can mutually encourage one another to live wisely.